Baby Robbins Eve

I'm very reflective on Baby Eve.

In just about 12 hours we'll meet the newest little Baby Robbins. After the ups and downs of the last year, I should be thrilled to pieces to finally be here in this position. But as I prepare my little man to go off to Grandma's for the big night, I feel a little blue.

First off, I'm nervous as hell about the surgery. I know exactly what to expect and none of it is very appealing (aside from the whole, um, "birth"thing).

But more importantly, I know how high the stakes are. The responsibility of raising a child right. The heartbreak I will no doubt face. Sometimes I just stare at Benson and cry, cause I love him so much. How in the world will I have enough energy to have that much love for two children?

Then there is the synchronicity of it all...on May 3, 2007, I said goodbye to a little boy who did not get a chance. And on May 3, 2008, I will be coming home to start my new life with my beautifully expanded Robbins family. It's hard to shake the sorrow that seems to bubble up near the beginning of each month, but I have faith that the gift of this baby will soften the edges of the pain of that loss.

Off to face the future, and all that it brings.