Baby Robbins Eve

I'm very reflective on Baby Eve.

In just about 12 hours we'll meet the newest little Baby Robbins. After the ups and downs of the last year, I should be thrilled to pieces to finally be here in this position. But as I prepare my little man to go off to Grandma's for the big night, I feel a little blue.

First off, I'm nervous as hell about the surgery. I know exactly what to expect and none of it is very appealing (aside from the whole, um, "birth"thing).

But more importantly, I know how high the stakes are. The responsibility of raising a child right. The heartbreak I will no doubt face. Sometimes I just stare at Benson and cry, cause I love him so much. How in the world will I have enough energy to have that much love for two children?

Then there is the synchronicity of it all...on May 3, 2007, I said goodbye to a little boy who did not get a chance. And on May 3, 2008, I will be coming home to start my new life with my beautifully expanded Robbins family. It's hard to shake the sorrow that seems to bubble up near the beginning of each month, but I have faith that the gift of this baby will soften the edges of the pain of that loss.

Off to face the future, and all that it brings.

Random Benson-isms (aka, Thanks for Sharing)

"I farted in my pajamas."

Bugs ... Bunny?

Benson's new toothbrush has Bugs Bunny on it.

Kids today...not so familiar with the Looney Tunes. I was trying to entice him to use the new toothbrush...so I showed him Bugs!

"Hey! It's Bugs Bunny! COOOOOL!" I said...

"Bugs? Bugs in a teeth? No bugs! No bugs!" was the panicked response, with his hands plastered over his mouth.

"Uh, no...it's a bunny. But his name is Bugs."

"Bugs! Bugs! No bugs!!"

(We have some spider issues in our basement, which has apparently resulted in some sort of insect-related trauma/phobia. I can't say I blame him - the Robbins family spiders are beasts.)

Last night he woke up no less than three times screaming about bugs and spiders in his room. Damn that bunny....and my cheap self for not springing for the Thomas brush (ahem, twice the price!).

And seriously - they do not make children's toothbrushes without any kind of character association. Because trust me - I'd rather skip the whole thing. I don't think Dora, Diego, Sponge Bob, Barney, or any of those other conglomerates needs any more of my hard earned dollars to market directly to my child...

Off to try this again - hoping the toothbrush-Bugs association is forgotten tonight!

My favourite things right now

I love how B says "Yes"...instead of "ya". Do you want some milk? "Yes Mummy." It's so proper!

While the next bit is adorable, it sometimes bothers me..."Sorry mom." It sometimes bothers me that he will do something he knows is wrong, only to immediately apologize: "Sowy mom."

Lastly....the check-in. "You okay, mom?" I love it.

Be silly...be very silly!

One of the best things about being a kid is the lack of embarassment, self-awareness, or whatever you want to call it. Kids think they are the best at everything...dancing, singing, drawing. I can't ever remember a time when I didn't judge myself! I really wanted Benson to carry the self-esteem gene into his teenaged years.



One of his favourite TV shows...Bo on the Go. Bo is this little blue-haired girl that demands that the viewer to power up Bo by running, jumping, spinning your hands, etc. Benson is totally into it, until he sees me watching him, or sitting beside him participating... Then he says, "No mommy!" and gets embarassed. He's only TWO! How can he possibly be self-conscious?! It breaks my heart a little bit, because I never want him to feel embarassed or anything. I'm not sure why participating in this TV show invokes the same reaction as when I catch him pooping in his pants?!


So far, my solution has been to up the silliness factor in the house...running, dancing, and acting goofy. We are pretty silly up in the Robbins crib anyway, but I really, really want to celebrate my B's giant personality and I never want him to feel like he can't be himself.

I was a really good mom before I had kids: reinventing modern motherhood

Wow. I have read a lot of books about parenting in the past 2 years...wait - let me re-phrase that. I have started to read a lot of books about parenting, sometimes skipping ahead to the crucial parts (i.e., how to get your baby to sleep alone) and then being disappointed to learn that I've already screwed up ("Never nurse your baby to sleep." Dammit!); sometimes feeling like a failure just reading the "About the Author" and giving up.

I read this entire book in just two sittings - and I felt like it was finally a book written for me! A real person! (Note - I didn't say "mom"...)

I especially felt like the end wrapped it all up in a single thought - that we get so wrapped up in being/doing/providing the best for our kids that we don't realize that kids learn most from our actions:

"Our children are watching us. They're seeing our stress, our anxiety, how we
beat oursleves up. We're teaching them that good enough is not good enough.
We're showing them that anything less than perfect is not OK."

Although one of the tenets of the book is to resist recruitment to the Mommy Wars and stop all the judgement, I really loved the Dirty Little Secrets woven throughout...and I found the chapter on husbands/partners especially relevant.

Now go read it yourself...you can also check out the website at http://www.iwasareallygoodmom.com/

Nutty McNuts: Enemy Number One

Since eliciting so much concern with my latest Facebook status indicating my denial over the nut allergy, I thought I'd better explain...

I can't specifically recall ever giving him peanut or peanut butter, but I do know that he doesn't like it...so at some point he must have ingested some. Oatmeal with peanut butter used to be a favourite that I likely had to share. So much like the allergy to cats, I think this is a new thing.

His daycare provider gave him a peanut butter cookie and his lips and eyes immediately puffed up. The puffiness had subsided 10 minutes later when I got there but he still had an Angelina-sized upper lip. K was really beside herself with worry and couldn't believe how calm I was. I told her that I simply refuse to have a child with a nut allergy so this has to be some kind of one-off.

Bill took him to the pharmacy (all puffiness subsided by this time) and got him some Benadryl on the pharmacist's recommendation to lessen any symptoms. I suppose the next step will be to have him tested for this allergy. I just do NOT want to have to be that vigilant or worried - ALL THE TIME! Peanut allergies are so scary!!

At dinner, Bill told me that he is extremely allergic to walnuts. Which didn't make much sense to me since a) He has never mentioned this before; and b) Um, I put walnuts in a lot of my baking. (It's a superfood!) (Yes, I bake!!) But he says he swells up and gets hives so it's possible I've got a family with allergies.

So I'm optimistic that it's not a serious allergy; hopeful that I won't have to carry around a hypodermic needle everywhere I go...at least the nut allergy is more commonplace now so there are plenty of peanut-free foods, like Mars bars...(I'm sure there are others...)